It’s a real thing–pregnancy brain. I forget things, I can get easily confused, and sometimes I’m just plum foggy-headed. But none of that is to say it hasn’t been worth it. I’ve been incredibly blessed and fortunate to have a good pregnancy, and I know that is not the case for everyone. I’ve actually even enjoyed it which is something I’m just as surprised typing as you probably are at reading.
It’s been kind of a surreal experience. I guess maybe you should know a little bit of my background. I never really saw myself ever being a mom. I’m the youngest of 3 girls, and so I never had a younger sibling to care after, I never babysat, and I just haven’t ever been exceptionally good with kids. Therefore, I never really imagined myself becoming a mother or ever being pregnant.
Cue, One Cute Cowboy walking into the story. Once I realized this guy was the real deal, there was a little bit of a stirring in me, acute at the time, but for the first time in my life I actually wondered and thought about having children with someone. Not to say I was convinced right off the bat that I was cut-out for motherhood, but it was definitely the first time I ever actually considered it. OCC knew he wanted a family, he says he’s always known he did, and I think for a lot of people that rings true, but for me it hasn’t always been that way.
So fast-forward a few years–OCC and I celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary last April, and the talk became more and more real on having a child. I had my many reservations, my main one being fear. Fear of the pain of labor (which I still don’t know yet) fear of knowing so little about children, fear of how miserable I thought pregnancy would be, fear of the things that could go wrong, fear of not being a good mom…and the list went on and on. One Cute Cowboy and I discussed it at great lengths. He was always so sure, and so confident that all those fears meant nothing, I’m not saying he wasn’t considerate and compassionate about them, he completely respected me in having those fears, but it didn’t worry him. He said he was as confident and sure of having a child as he was about marrying me.
I had many, many conversations with God about it. Trying to explain to Him that I wasn’t sure if that was really the path for me, I wasn’t sure I was ready. It always felt more like an argument haha! I knew what He was stirring in me though, and I was a bit afraid to acknowledge that. One thing he kept telling me was to talk to my close friend about it, (whom has two kiddos of her own) and ask her to pray with me about it. I ignored it for quite some time thinking that was silly, He wasn’t really telling me that. (It’s amazing what we can talk ourselves out of!) So finally one day, I just did it, I text my friend and asked for her prayers and we ended up having a really great, helpful, and mind-changing conversation! She helped put to rest so many of the fears I had about childbirth and becoming a mother, without even knowing part of my reservations. She was a Godsend and that conversation had a lot of impact.
Now, I want to take a moment to address something-I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want children, or doesn’t feel like that’s an option in their life, to walk away from reading this, thinking “So she thinks I’m just going to change my mind?!” Or “Oh, so she thinks God wants that path for every female!” No, that is not what I’m saying at all, I’m just sharing my journey to this point in my life. God has different plans and avenues for every single one of us, and only you can know what that is; but I do think it’s important to listen when he’s stirring something inside your heart. I just want those of you out there, that were like me, that didn’t think you’d probably ever have children, or never envisioned yourself being a mom, to know you’re not alone. And that’s okay!
Okay, now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, on with my story. So One Cute Cowboy and I finally decided it was time. At the beginning of July I knew I was pregnant, I could feel it deep in my heart. OCC could hardly contain his excitement. We had our first sonogram in August on my 31st birthday, and things have been rolling along ever since. It’s all gone by incredibly fast, and really, for the most part, I’ve enjoyed it and might even actually miss it. I have missed drinking cokes whenever I want (I limit myself to one a week now) eating cold-cut sandwiches, wine, and not worrying about what oils I can and can’t use…but it’s been a pretty surprising and fascinating journey. It’s hard to believe his due date is tomorrow! For the past week or so we’ve just been thinking it could be any day now! We feel incredibly blessed to be chosen to be parents, and to share our love and life with our little guy. We’re so excited to meet him, and share him with the world! Stay tuned!!